Recruiting is usually one of the most incredibly vivid experiences for most people. Outside of the technical and behavioral preparation itself, the thing that makes the process so grueling usually isn’t the questions. It’s the crushing fear and anxiety surrounding the fact that your future depends on your success during the process, and the tendency to place our entire self-worth in the outcome of the process. A while ago, I was recruiting for a role I really did not want to do, simply because everyone else was doing it. After only a month, all my interest had faded away, and my outlook towards the future became very negative. 

When I finally quit the whole scene, I first felt a lot of guilt. How had I thrown away something that I had spent months crying and obsessing over? Is it just me? Am I incapable? Maybe I was just not “successful enough” or “hard working enough” and I needed to just “suck it up”. As to the popular norm, if something wasn’t hard and didn’t make you suffer, was it really worth it? All competitive processes MUST be miserable and horrible. Right? Everyone does it. So is it my fault? Am I making excuses? Am I lazy? Will I ever “succeed” in life? Maybe if I just get through this initial horrible step, the actual job will be more fun, and the people and atmosphere will magically change. 

What!!! That does not make ANY sense. A job, activity, human, environment, etc should not drain you of your happiness. It should not not drain you of all motivation to work in life. It should not drain you of all purpose and make you feel hopeless. I remember during this time that I would get asked the question “What makes you happy?”. Sometimes, it was a random person who just wanted to get to know my hobbies. Or it was a friend or family member who was listening to me and trying to find a solution to my depressive mood. 

And I couldn’t find an answer to that question, no matter how hard I had tried. 

If something that does not make you happy, stay away from it. I know this comes counterintuitive to a lot of advice that we hear. Don’t fall for short term temptations (junk food, drugs, scrolling, etc). But I think this advice has it all wrong. No one ACTUALLY feels happy procrastinating, and no one gets pure joy out of binging on food. What I mean when I say this is that there are habits, careers, classes, people, etc, that will bring you true happiness and true energy. I am sick of people saying that feelings & happiness are not important! WRONG. It is the BEST indicator of whether or not you are on the right path and are doing what is best for you. 

Sure, sometimes it is unavoidable to do something you hate. For example, if it is a dire situation in which you need an income to feed your family and there is simply only one option, yes, you should take that option. And sure, sometimes you might need to get emotionally uncomfortable and whine a bit before finishing an assignment. 

However, I know that if there is a situation where someone asks me “What makes you happy?” and I cannot find an answer to that question, there is clearly something very wrong with the way I am choosing to live my life. Life IS about happiness. Life IS about enjoying the journey. And I found that even with my career and academics, the more that I choose to lean into my happiness, the more my grades soar high, and the more I get opportunities as well. 

I am a huge advocate for happiness. It is something so severely undervalued and under prioritized. In my natural state, I am someone who is very excited, very energized, and very curious and happy to learn and be active within my community. And I believe that most people are the same, in one way of expression or another. If you are unable to answer the question, “What makes you happy?” I urge you to completely reevaluate your life and really think about why there feels like there is no hope or light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly, there shouldn’t even BE an “end of the tunnel”. Your “tunnel” is right now. Your “tunnel” is actually nonexistent, because you should just be standing in the middle of the light, under the sun. Most of us are actually much more fortunate than we realize, and we have the option to choose happiness most of the time. 

What makes you happy Lana?

Thank you for asking! Many things make me happy. I love talking to mom, my dad, and my best friend. I absolutely love my roommate, and I love my apartment. I love the way I decorated my room, and I love how clean and pretty everything is. I love that I have access to such amazing healthy food all the time, and I love that I have the amazing opportunity to get an education. I love being surrounded by such ambitious and inspirational people, even if I feel that I cannot catch up a lot of the time. I love my new part time job, and I love my classes now. I love running outside, playing piano, and studying! (Who would’ve thought). I love going to the gym, eating healthy food, and being in the sun. I love living life stress free and eliminating all the activities and people that actively bring me down. I am so happy to be alive, and really enjoy the way I am living now. 

And if you told me a couple months ago that this would be my answer, I wouldn’t have believed you. 

If you get to the point where you cannot answer this question, please reevaluate your current path. If it drains you, it isn’t right for you.