Nowadays you can’t tell when anyone is being real with you. Especially when people ask personal questions, you must second-guess whether to be honest. Where it gets tricky is separating the superficial from the intimate question-askers. Do you really want to know, or are you just asking me so I will ask you back? Because if that’s the case the usual answer will be fine, okay, good, and then we can talk about you and pretend your question was genuine. Or are you just asking to make yourself feel good? Humankind will do, buy, and say anything to make themselves feel or look good because it takes zero energy. Asking what one believes to be an insignificant question with nothing but hopes of boosting self-esteem, is as common nowadays as mistaking salt for sugar. Humanity needs an epic comeback story.
My track coach asked me this question the other day and after being sick all weekend, to not seem weak, I replied, “Good.” We have been stereotyped throughout generations to not show pain. For some reason, it’s normalized to be stone-cold and not appear as if you have a heart. Men specifically are thought to lose their manhood if they show emotion. Why are we this way? Why is being vulnerable considered a weakness and not desirable? No matter the response, no one should feel uncomfortable for answering a question honestly. On a deeper level, maybe that’s why so many people have bad relationships. Society has bred us to ask this question but half the time we don’t know if we mean it when we ask. In turn, we then don’t trust others when they ask us. No one trusts anyone nonetheless truly believes their intentions are pure. My reply, to save face, ended up with me regretting the day I was born as I was laid out on the track gasping for air, with a terrible headache, and nausea.
Even though it may not seem like it at the moment, being honest and straight up will benefit you, and lying will come back to bite you in the ass. She asked me again, “How are you feeling?” This time we both knew the truth, it just needed to be said. After that, I realized the type of people I should always be honest with are those who ask from a place of utilizing my well-being. The reality is this question can create the sincerest bonds. Later on in the week, we laughed about the whole thing and about how I put myself through more suffering than I needed to endure, and it could have all been avoided if I had just been honest and lowered my guard. If asked with good intentions and answered honestly this question doesn’t have to be superficial and maybe future generations will use the thoughtful, intended version.
Unfortunately, not everyone is like my track coach and truly has your best intentions at heart. Perhaps all they want to hear is that I have no problems or issues, I feel great all the time, and I’m ready for whatever you’re about to say or want to do. This question doesn’t have to be shallow anymore. Normalize being vulnerable. If the person wasn’t expecting or wanting an honest answer then to let them feel awkward, not the other way around. There’s beauty in the deep, vulnerable truth of how I actually feel which as of recently is busy, stressed, anxious, tired, drained, and sick. Confiding all those emotions isn’t easy, even if you are like me and only share the personal stuff with a small circle. Sometimes the emotions are too overwhelming, and you can’t find the words. I never thought divulging my truth would be hard to share especially with my boyfriend of over three years. Be that as it may, when asked the question I knew he meant it and wanted a legitimate answer. When I finally found the words and opened up, it relieved so much pressure off my shoulders, and I felt like a weight was lifted.
Honesty is the best policy. In the end, his response turned my whole day around and was able to rejuvenate me from the self-thrown pity party I was consumed in prior. We are on this earth with other people for a reason. Do not isolate yourself. This question has a straightforward, personal answer however we often lie when responding to it. It’s an easy question with yet a thousand different answers. “How are you feeling?”