A missed opportunity
How many of us can say we know what the people closest to us do with their time? What do they research on their computer, what content do they learn in class, or what they are responsible for at work? I am sure not many of us know the answers to these questions, myself included, and I think we are missing out on an invaluable learning opportunity right in front of our eyes.
I recently saw an Instagram reel that displayed a powerpoint night among friends where each person presented what they did in their careers. The caption read, “When you realize your friends are adults with responsibilities” and this pleasant surprise was clear across the faces of the friend group. This specific story is easily relatable to many of us. Generally, people spend a lot of their time in their own bubbles behind screens/laptops working/learning. Even the structures of offices as cubicles or classrooms with individual desks perpetuate this sense of isolation in a room of peers. Furthermore, this is done in such excess that we have little idea what anyone else around us is doing.
Personal curiosities
This is not a discussion about reducing screen time (that is a can of worms I am not prepared to open), but a reflection on a societal trend where the isolated and digital form of work is preventing us from truly learning what anyone else is doing. As a resolution, I am suggesting that we open the floor to more discussions about what we are each doing with our time. In fact, there is so much we can learn from each other by just answering the question “what are you doing?” in a substantive and material way. I am confident that we are all surrounded by smart and capable people, so I feel constantly curious about what their passions, motivations, and insights are. There is a potential for greater appreciation of others, deeper understanding of the world around us, and novel perspectives that can be applied to our own lives.
Offhanded responses
After the common opening lines of conversation, i.e. “Hi” and “How are you?,” the next question I often ask and get asked is “what are you doing?” Usually it is asked when I am approached by a friend while sitting in the library or Chaus, or it is asked by my family while on the phone.
The question can be answered in one of two ways: offhandedly or deliberately. An offhanded response would include a short, unserious, and/or unrelated reply. For example, let’s imagine the true story of when I was reading “How to Increase Your Luck Surface Area” by Jason Roberts for Disco while at Sammy’s. I was approached by some friends who were visiting The Tea Nook, and they asked “What are you doing?” after observing my open laptop. An offhanded response here would be “Nothing” or “Just homework.” I could even segway the conversation elsewhere instead of taking the time to explain the Disco class, the reading, and its relevance. Frankly, there is much to be learned by sharing this reading through discussions and reflections with friends, but I worry that answering the question offhandedly or vaguely is more common among people and even socially acceptable. Most of the time, people do not talk about what they do. Ironically, the reading specifically outlines how telling people about one’s passions in addition to doing them can make one more successful. And I feel that responding to the question “what are you doing?” with a response that is deliberate, as opposed to offhanded, can easily help us act in accordance with the reading to make us all more “lucky.”
Figure 1: Graphical representation from “How to Increase Your Luck Surface Area” on the benefits of doing and telling what you are interested in
Deliberate responses
A deliberate response would summarize what someone is doing and include substance, relevant details, and potentially open the topic up for discussion between the people involved. The thing that someone is doing does not have to be world-altering (it could be scrolling on Instagram or reading a book), but the intentionality by actually sharing what has captured one’s interest with someone else is what results in the learning opportunity.
I (not so boldly) assume we know people at different stages of their lives who can provide words of wisdom or perspectives, so not sharing what we are truly doing limits the opportunities for growth. Personally, I am at a turning point in my life as a college senior looking to enter industry. Like many others, I too am spending a lot of time trying to network and apply to jobs. I am having to analyze my future goals, current interests, and values. Sharing, reflecting, and learning from others by answering “what are you doing” and getting adequate space to discuss is an amazing way to get out of our heads and learn from others around us who are more experienced or can see things from a different lens.
Other common things that I could be doing include completing homework, doing work for a club, or participating in meetings. If asked “what are you doing?” during any of these tasks, I often try to provide a response with value. There have been times where the homework I am struggling with covers a topic my friends are experts in or my family has been able to advise me on how to advocate for myself in a club. This is just a few ways that I have seen a deliberate response to my frequently asked question benefit me in the most unexpected ways.
Intentionality with what you are doing
A new word I have been trying to implement more in my life has been “intentionality.” This is especially significant for how I want to spend my time. So I have often found myself reflecting on what I am doing with my time. Not to get existential, but time is a limited resource and wasted time is not something that can be returned. As packed as my calendar can sometimes seem, moving from one task or meeting to another, does what is on my calendar really matter to me? I want to investigate what I spend my time on, why I am doing it, and is it what I want to be doing?
All of these questions stem from a desire to be intentional. And I believe that starting with asking the question “what are you doing?” and responding deliberately is the best way to begin that process through reflection and meaning connections with people.
Those around us have varying histories, perspectives, and insights. But, many of us do not know what specifically people we know do or think about. There is so much untapped potential in the friends and families we have, so I encourage the open discussion of what we all are truly doing. We can be inspired to apply a novel method for a project, get help on a difficult problem, or unlock a new interest simply by intentionally digging deeper into what our friends and family do with their time.