Every single day in college someone has a new victory or success to announce. Just last week, a classmate pulled me aside and told me how happy they are that they landed their dream internship. Or even a couple days ago my roommate casually just dropped the sentence, “oh I am working in New York at my dream company.” One thing that comes in common with both of these instances, is the questions afterwards. Always after they are sharing the ask, “So… what are you doing this summer”?

While on the surface, it may just seem like a simple question. But if you dig a little deeper you notice a web of insecurity, expectation, and comparison. The moment they ask me that question I panic, I can either admit that I have no idea why I am doing yet, and sound unprepared or behind, or I can try to one-up them, to throw some insane plan that makes it feel like I have my life all figured out. Around 90 percent of the time, I chose the second path, I chose to one up them into thinking that what I am doing is the coolest thing in the world. However when looking back at it, Scrambling to one-up my friends pushed me further than I ever thought. This simple encounter forced me to imagine the coolest and boldest version of what I can do with my summer. Instead of saying something comfortable, I started thinking about what could actually excite me and let all my passions fuel my choices. What may have started as a defensive response, has turned into an interesting form of motivation.

Being able to dream bigger helped with many things but more importantly I started to notice how my confidence shifted. Having these conversations was not about winning some invisible conversation, but rather proving to myself that if I actually chased my passion I could do so much more. I started to look at the question differently. I started to think, “what do I want MY answer to be?”. That right there opened some doors. I started to reach out to professors and professionals I have been nervous to contact before. Now I am able to scroll endlessly through opportunities, but not feel desperate having to say one, but excited to find one that aligns with my passion. For the first time in a very long time I can ask myself, if there is anything I can do, what would it be?

My discovery was that a lot of times ambition often hides behind fear. Fear of looking unprepared. Fear of not measuring up. Fear of being rejected. Those questions that people would ask that I thought were backhanded, are the ones that helped me face my fears. It made me speak of my future out loud, even if it was not real yet. Taking all of this into consideration, comparisons can be one of the world’s biggest evils. Feeling some sort of way just by watching your peers succeed can 100 percent derail your life. I also believe that being able to reframe a question is one of the strongest things you can do. Instead of seeing this question as a threat, what if it’s a challenge? Instead of sitting there and feeling small in the shadow of other people’s plans, can I let their ambition help me aim higher for mine? The funny fact is, a lot of us are trying to figure this out. Not every answer is polished and set and stone. Everyone has these thoughts, but what I have learned is confidence doesn’t have to come from knowing every step of your life. However it can come from taking risks, asking for help, and going for opportunities you may have been too scared to go for.

Now when people ask the summer question I dreaded, I answer differently. Sometimes I will explain to them that I am just figuring it out and honestly have no idea. Although when I do have something to share, it’s something that is my passion, not just some line I fabricated to prove to another person I am worthy of this conversation. If I could go back, I’d tell my past self that there is no embarrassment to saying “I don’t know”. This could be one of the most truthful and liberating responses you could say. I would also tell him that in these moments of discomfort, where you feel like you have nothing to do or say, this can help you find a spark somewhere else. The funny thing is, I used to fear not having an answer, but now I am so happy I don’t because I can explain endless opportunities around me. Ambition can start anywhere but it’s important what you do with it afterward. Do you let it fade once the conversation ends? Or do you take it seriously, chase it down, and make it real?