On move-in day, between boxes, I got hit with the occasional icebreaker. This got me wondering: where does the term icebreaker come from? It originates from the common phrase “to break the ice” but also from ships called icebreakers that would break up large sheets of ice in the arctic region. Similarly, icebreaker questions are meant to break the coldness between a new group of people. In the same way icebreaker ships make movement easier, icebreaker questions help dissipate awkwardness in social situations with new people. 

What makes an icebreaker good or bad, and what is the best icebreaker, objectively? After careful consideration, scientific research, and absolutely no biases, I think the best icebreaker is, “what kind of music do you listen to?” This is my go-to question when getting to know someone, and I have both asked and been asking this question a lot. It was one of the first questions I asked my newfound Rice friends, and unsurprisingly, I got a variety of different answers: The Poles, The Cure, Jeff Buckley, and Kanye. Music taste can reveal a lot about a person’s background and identity; what kinds of genres do they identify with and why? What stereotypes do listeners of specific artists hold? Also as an added bonus, I think it’s a much easier question to answer on the fly than, for example, “what’s your favorite food?” But the stereotypes that one’s music taste holds cannot be taken as fact. Personally, my music taste is not dissimilar to that of a “male manipulator[1]” as coined by online netizens: The Smiths, Radiohead, and The Cure. But I started listening to this music because of one of my hometown friends. Sure, I always thought her music taste was cool, but beyond listening to her playlists  during our daily “lunch dates”, I never sought out her Spotify playlists willingly. But now that I’m away from her, I missed the background music that played from the speakers of her little black car. Listening to her music on my way to class or while studying brings her presence closer to me and even though I don’t have lunch with her every day, sometimes the music she once shared with me still echoes around me. So even though I’ve started listening to artists that are often associated with the alternative, Birkenstock-wearing, vinyl-listening evil men who will probably ruin your life, my intentions are actually quite respectable, and I don’t think I will be manipulating anyone anytime soon. The reason I started listening to these bands is hidden, but if I were asked what my favorite music is in a group of freshmen, some may pass judgement on me or hold some preconceived notions of my personality and character. Plus, I don’t exclusively listen to rock bands. I also enjoy “tiktok music” like Lana Del Rey, The Marias, Beabadoobee, Clairo, and Laufey. These artists occupy another subset of male manipulators: the performative male[2]. But again, I promise I do not have ill intentions: I just spend way too much on the internet, and many of these artists have numerous trending audios on viral videos; I fear these songs have been burned into my brain. These other artists also have a way of calming me with their soft instrumentals. Their music is perfect for a gloomy, rainy day when I’m feeling a little bit sad. So while I do dress somewhat alternatively and listen to questionable music, these things really say very little about who I truly am.

Sometimes, the music one listens to can actually subvert stereotypes. In fact, I rarely ever meet someone who listens to the music that I “expect” them to. So maybe music actually doesn’t give an accurate insight into one’s character, but the songs one listens to can reveal what they care about. So yes, music taste does reveal a lot about a person, not necessarily who they are as a person, but rather about the things they care about and value in life.  Music is an intersection of identities, each one influencing music taste in a different way. Some people listen to music that their parents grew up listening to. Others listen to classical music because they are talented musicians. I’ve always been involved in music, from piano at age 6, to clarinet at 11, so I’ve always had a deep appreciation for classical music even if I don’t listen to it daily. However, many don’t think this far when asking a simple icebreaker because of course who would overanalyze the kind of music a stranger listens to? I would never do that… Although everyone judges others’ identity based on limited information, it only takes daily action to stop stereotypes; even though the stereotypes that come from music taste are largely playful, it can contribute to a bigger issue—the idea that identity is a monolith. Icebreakers in general only tell a small sliver of one’s character. So the next time you feel judgemental about someone’s music taste, the clothes they wear, or their favorite movie, take a second to reflect. Ask them more icebreaker questions and even beyond that, get to know them as a person, not a projection of the stereotypes they may or may not embody. Ask them why they listen to the music they do. Instead of just breaking the ice, try to look beneath the tip of the iceberg, what unique aspects of their identity, character, and personality, are hiding beneath the surface?

[1] Male manipulator: A meme that originated on the app TikTok about a specific subgenre of music. The joke is something along the lines of “if they listen to this music, run.” Examples of “male manipulator music” are Radiohead, The Smiths; The Cure, etc.

[2]Performative male: a subgenre of “nice guys” that tries too hard to be in touch with their feminine side or pretends to like things like K-Pop, tote bags, reading, matcha, Laufey, or the like to improve their popularity with girls.