It’s a question I always get, partly because it’s a typical question people ask during introductions but also because I said something that confused them. Either way, I always give the same answer: New Jersey. It’s the place where I’ve lived the longest, and most people accept this. But, in other cases, it leads to more confusion. My background and old stories often don’t align with this fact, which messes with people. Maybe I talked about selling eyeglasses in the Upper West Side for my whole life or going to the MET more times than I can remember. Maybe it’s saying that I loved waking up as a kid and looking at the Statue of Liberty. When I tell these stories, people immediately think I’m a quintessential New York City kid, and that’s kind of true, but, in reality, it’s not.

If you ask any New Yorker to guess whether I’m from the city, they will immediately say no. I might have lived there in my early childhood, but a true New Yorker has lived there for their entire life and never plans on leaving. So, my eight years don’t count. Sure, I’m okay with that. The issue arises when I get questioned by people from New Jersey.

Firstly, I’m not from the “normal” parts of New Jersey. I’m outside of the neatly planned suburbs with HOAs and sidewalks, and when I say Ringwood, people either think of a disease or Ridgewood, a more well-known town. After a while, they come to understand there are other parts to New Jersey, but once they start hearing about my life there, they again try to persuade me that I’m not a New Jerseyan. See, New Jerseyans will die on a hill for three things: going to the shore, arguing about Taylor ham and pork rolls, and the existence of Central Jersey. I don’t and can’t check any of those boxes.

1. I’ve only been to the shore two times in my life. Compared to an authentic New Jerseyan, who probably goes during every break where it’s above seventy degrees, it’s nothing. While it might not seem like a big deal, you can think of it as going to the dentist. Everyone goes to the dentist twice a year; if you don’t, you should be, as people are concerned about you. Going to the shore holds the same level of importance as the dentist for New Jerseyans.
2. Taylor ham and pork rolls are the same thing. They’re both a cured breakfast meat that people enjoy on bagels and other flour-based foods. It happens to be that Northerners will call it a Taylor ham while Southerners call it a pork roll. The debate is such a part of New Jersey culture that the Jonas brothers were caught arguing about it, and Taylor ham vs. pork roll T-shirts exist. Suffice it to say, it’s a big deal. What really throws people for a loop is that I’ve never had one and didn’t know it existed until college.
3. Since there are so many debates and differences between North Jersey and South Jersey, from Wawa vs. Dunkin and the aforementioned Taylor ham vs. pork roll, people who are caught up in the middle started calling themselves Central Jersey. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, both sides don’t accept this and claim central Jersey to be part of the other’s territory. It’s one of those classic things that you are supposed to have a strong opinion on, and when I explain that I’ve never been there and, therefore, can’t choose a side, people lose faith in my New Jersey upbringing.

Then, when people start asking me about possible mutuals from the local high school, I have to explain that I went to high school in Connecticut. This, again, leaves people confused. First, they think I moved to Connecticut, which would explain why I’m not a true New Jerseyan. But this isn’t true. I went there for boarding school, which I chose to do myself (I did not get shipped off like in the movies), and therefore, I still lived in New Jersey.

Nowadays, when I’m talking to customers in the eyeglass store, I also have to explain that I go to college in Texas. This again adds another layer of confusion since most people in the area would never think of going near Texas. So, they assume either I’m from there or have family there, to which I have to explain that neither is true and I’m actually from New Jersey. Then, the cycle repeats, and you can imagine what comes next.

So, to finally answer the question… where am I from? New Jersey. Why? It’s usually the answer people question the least.