When I meet someone new, the question I am often asked is “where are you from?”. My answer has consistently been “I grew up in Toronto but have been living in Dallas for the past two years”. Both cities have had an immense impact on my identity, so answering with only one feels disingenuous. The follow up question I often receive is “which city do you like better?”. Up until very recently, my response to this question was “Toronto” without a second thought. However, I now don’t have an easy answer – a situation I would have never expected to be in two years ago.
When I first moved to Dallas at the start of my junior year of high school, I hated it. There was nothing I wanted more than to go back to Toronto. I spent my evenings on the phone with my friends from home and my weekends spending time with my parents. Relying on these people that were familiar to me helped me feel more comfortable in my new environment, but none of this reassurance came from the new city. Having just had one of the best years of my life, I felt like my life was going from 100 to 0.
Over the following few months, I slowly began to branch out. I joined clubs at school and made friends in my classes. I had people to sit with at lunch and go on an occasional trip to the mall with, but I was still unable to replicate the sense of belonging that I had once felt. The people I considered “my people” were still 1500 miles away. Even though my levels of happiness were slowly rising, I could not foresee a future that would ever be equal to what I had felt in Toronto.
Even beyond my relationships, other aspects of my life in Dallas were not able to contribute to the belonging and purpose I had previously experienced. Feeling a sense of independence had always been extremely valuable to me, and one way I exercised this in Toronto was by going out by myself and taking public transit, rather than relying on my parents. Dallas as a city is far from walkable and the public transit is so terrible it may as well be non-existent, so I felt stuck at home. Other minor experiences that brought me joy, like the first snowfall of the season or a Tim Hortons Iced Capp, were also no longer available to me. Every small change added up and I was losing many of the basic things I associated with my identity and day-to-day life.
By the end of my junior year, my hatred for Dallas began to subside. With time, I was able to recreate the important aspects of my life in Toronto and felt like I was finding my place once again. I got my driver’s license, which gave me more freedom than the buses and subways in Toronto ever did. Being able to go out without a jacket while hearing horror stories of snow and ice trapping my Canadian friends into their houses brought me a new sense of gratitude. My regular Tim Hortons Iced Capp was replaced with an iced matcha latte from Merit Coffee. On top of this, I began to enjoy all of the new experiences that senior year in Texas brought me. Going to football games every Friday night and participating in all of my school’s unique senior traditions was incredibly exciting compared to what that same year would have brought in Toronto.
As I grew to appreciate what was around me, I began to find such positivity in every aspect of my life. I was able to forge new relationships with people I would have never expected to become close friends with upon first meeting them. Now, some of my happiest memories involve going on boba runs with Emily, driving aimlessly around DFW with Ethan, and going to workout classes with Zoe. The best part of it all is that I wouldn’t have recognized any of these names before August of 2022.
Being forced into a new environment ultimately forced me to better understand myself and the things I place value in. I thought that leaving behind my life in Toronto meant that my world was ending, when in reality it brought me the opportunity to find gratitude and purpose in new things. I learned how to find comfort internally, and this eventually allowed me to find happiness in my new environment. This is why when I am now asked whether I prefer Toronto or Dallas, I have no answer. My view of both cities is fully shaped by my experiences and although I have undergone negative things in both, they have both brought great value to my life and my character. I have learned that as long as I prioritize the things I value and those that bring me happiness, I will find my place in any environment. As I start this new chapter of my life at Rice, I have no doubt that Houston will soon be tied with Toronto and Dallas in my ranking.