“Who do you hang out with in the US? Taiwanese?” I get this question every time I go back home during breaks. My family in Taiwan, high school friends, and even co-workers from my summer part-time job ask me this question. For many Taiwanese, my identity as an international student studying abroad naturally draws a lot of curiosity. In Taiwan, over 95% of the population is East Asian, so this question doesn’t apply within the country. However, the US population is very diverse, especially in college. In many classic American movies and shows, we see kids at school in a foreign country tend to make friends with people of the same ethnicity or similar background. Therefore, it is normal for people from my home to have such questions.
So, do I ONLY hang out with Taiwanese at Rice? Of course not—there are only 11 Taiwanese students in my year, which means I would only have a maximum of 10 friends if I only hung out with Taiwanese! However, it’s true that many of my friends are East Asian or Asian American. Even though I had studied English for years before coming to the US, I still struggled with speaking and listening at times—like when I froze during my first visit to Chipotle after being asked, “For here or to go?” His words came out so fast that they didn’t even sound like English to me. Therefore, I tend to be more talkative around people who understand a little Mandarin or whose native language is also not English. Whenever I encounter a vocabulary I do not know how to express in English, I can fill it in with Mandarin or poor descriptions in English.
This unease was especially prominent during the first month of freshman year—I feared that people with fluent English would judge me. Surprisingly, this also brought me some unexpected joy. A friend of mine from South Korea would joke about “just say it in Mandarin” despite not knowing any Mandarin herself. There were many times when we found that the pronunciation of some words sounded exactly the same in Mandarin and Korean. I also realized that native speakers do not judge me for my English. People even remind me not to forget that my bilingual identity is an advantage. After a year and a half, I can say that the fear has eased due to my change in mindset and improvement in speech.
As I reflected, I realized that my English didn’t limit my friend group as much as I had thought. Instead, I formed connections through shared interests and experiences. This made me think—who do I actually hang out with in the US? To answer this question, I have to dissect how I met these people in the first place. Unlike in high school, where I did everything with the same friend group, my college relationships are more about having different friends for different activities. I participate in quite a lot of activities at school, and I’ve noticed that the member profile of each club or activity differs.
For example, Rice Taiwanese Association (RTA), of course, comprises Taiwanese, Taiwanese Americans, or students interested in Taiwanese culture. As one of the board members of RTA, we spend a lot of time together—meeting weekly for event coordination, bonding, and just hanging out. Similarly, food bonds me with people. Occasionally, I miss food from my hometown or East Asian dishes in general. In times like this, a group of East Asian friends I know from my residential college and other places come together and go on a Chinatown trip.
On the other hand, the sports activities I participate in—including water polo club, Sid intramural sports, and the Beer Bike team—are composed of people from more diverse backgrounds. Two of my closest friends at Sid come from completely different cultural backgrounds. The three of us—one American, one African, and one Asian—had little in common culturally: different foods, different childhood experiences, and different traditions. But we bonded over our shared humor. Over time, I realized that cultural differences made conversations more interesting rather than being a barrier.
As I reflected on the backgrounds of my friends, I found a commonality between each group: shared interests. In RTA, we are all passionate about Taiwanese culture. In my foodie group, we all love East Asian food. In the water polo club, we all love playing water polo. In my Sid friend group, we share similar personalities and values. At first, I thought my friendships would mainly be shaped by cultural background or language factors, but I realized it’s our shared experiences that strengthen our bonds. So, who are my friends? I hang out with people who share my passions and enrich my college experience. The real question is not who I hang out with, but how those friendships have shown me that meaningful connections are built on much more than just culture or language.